I love it when I feel envy now. I didn’t used to, but I do now I know what it’s about. We envy the people who are doing or being someone we ourselves wish we were. Who do you envy? Go with the very first person you thought of already. I know, I know, it’s not a convenient or pretty place to look within yourself. If you’ve already thought of someone, go with them, even if you don’t “like” the answer – especially if you don’t like the answer.
Don’t have anyone yet? Take a moment. Breathe into the feelings. See if you can summon the physical sensation of envy. It’s a bit different than jealousy. Jealousy is about someone taking away something that you view as yours. “That bitch stole my boyfriend!” is jealousy. “That bitch has better hair or better in bed than me!” is envy. I’m not inviting you to be any more envious than you already are – those kinds of comparisons are joy killers. But in the places where envy spikes up, it can be a useful guide forward to learn what kinds of things you’re denying yourself. Then – go grant yourself permission to have whatever it is you envy in someone else.
Still don’t have anybody in mind? Perhaps you can think of qualities in others that you admire. Courage, confidence, ability to show vulnerability, willingness to take a risk in business or in love.
Once armed with what person you’re envious of, think specifically of things they do that you’re envious of. Get down to the nitty gritty details.
For me, I was, and still am to some degree, envious of a friend who flies around the world giving presentations about her brilliant ideas. She’s published multiple books by a big name publisher. Guess what, those are my dreams. Now that I know that, I’m actively pursuing them.
I promise you, lots of people envy her success, but I specifically envy the speaking and writing part of her accomplishments. That’s actionable. By getting specific, you can actually do something useful to move your life in the direction your unconscious wants you to go. That’s good!
Realizing what I was envious of in her has had the unexpected benefit of transforming my relationship with her. I don’t with I could trade places with her. I’ve taken on the writing and speaking, but my path is a different one. I don’t want her life. I want my life with some of her qualities positively influencing mine.
Envy in this way can become an invaluable guide. It can remind you there to look if you’ve lost sight of your North Star. It points out where you’re blocked by limiting beliefs.
Get out your paper and pen and write yourself a permission slip to do whatever crazy ass thing your wild heart calls for.
See the light reversal > NORTH STAR